The Tax Inspector and the Rabbi

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these breadwafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufactures, and every now and then they send us a free box of breadwafers."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know - it - all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

Today's Quote

The spirit of Christmas--what is it? It is the rainbow arched over the roof of the sky when the clouds are heavy with foreboding. It is the cry of life in the newborn babe when, forced from its mother's nest, it claims its right to live. It is the brooding Presence of the Eternal Spirit making crooked paths straight, rough places smooth, tired hearts refreshed, dead hopes stirred with the newness of life. It is the promise of tomorrow at the close of every day, the movement of life in defiance of death, and the assurance that love is sturdier than hate, that right is more confident that wrong, that good is more permanent than evil.

-Howard Thurman (1899-1981) was one of the most influential progressive religious leaders of the twentieth century

If you find yourself looking forward to the end of the holiday season instead of the beginning, here’s a call to shift gears and reclaim what should be a time of appreciation, excitement, joy, and peace. Make up your mind that this is going to be your happiest Christmas ever. Your decision to emphasize the positive can reclaim a season that is supposed to bring out the best in us, rather than do us in. The truth is that this time of year offers us a wonderful opportunity to rekindle the spirit of love and living life to the fullest.

With your expectations set on positive, here are some attitude adjustments to try:

• I’ll let the holidays flow, rather than trying to make them fit into a fixed schedule.
• I’ll remember that people are more important than things.
• I’ll relax my expectations for myself and others this year.
• I’m going to live in the present moment and enjoy each activity for itself instead of always thinking about what is ahead of me.
• I’m going to approach the holidays with a sense of joyful anticipation and wonder, just like I did when I was a child.

By vowing to think and behave in more meaningful ways, you’ll find in each present moment of the Christmas season something to savor and enjoy. Each moment of our lives affords us a choice and the holiday season is no exception. This life is a miracle, each and every particle of it, and the holiday season is a celebration of the miraculousness of it all.

You have choices in this business of Christmas celebrations. The responsibility is always your own. The true meaning of the holidays is one of joy, love, peace, and happiness. Cultivate a child-like awe and appreciation and have a Merry Christmas!

Today's Quote

"In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."

Eric Hoffer

Today's Quote

Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.

~Hans Christian Andersen

Today's Quote

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

 ~Mark Twain

Today's Quote

The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.

~Byron Katie

Today's Quote

Love is the river of life in the world.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Pray For Bill

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.

The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing:

"Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Today's Quote

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our mind growled like our stomach does when it is hungry?

- Zig Ziglar: American author and motivational speaker

Cherry-Vanilla Ice Cream

It's never too hot or cold to enjoy homemade ice cream.

INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 pounds cherries, pitted
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
1/2 vanilla bean, split, seeds scraped and reserved
8 large egg yolks
1 teaspoon lemon juice

PREPARATION
1. Make the cherry syrup: Place 1 pound pitted cherries and 1/3 cup sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat and cook until cherries soften - about 10 minutes. Run the cherries and any liquid through a food mill, strain the mixture, discard the solids, and return the liquid to the pan. Cook the cherry mixture over medium heat until it reduces to about 1 cup - 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a small bowl and cool completely.

2. Make the ice cream base: Fill a large bowl with ice and water and place a fine sieve over another medium-sized bowl; set both aside. Combine the cream, milk, and vanilla bean and seeds in a medium saucepan and cook over medium-high heat until mixture just comes to a boil. Whisk the egg yolks and remaining sugar together in a large bowl until thick and pale. Whisking constantly, add the hot milk in a slow, steady stream to the yolk mixture. Return the mixture to the saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly using a wooden spoon, until the mixture coats the back of the spoon - about 2 minutes. Strain the mixture through the fine sieve into the bowl and place bowl in the prepared ice bath to cool.

3. Make the ice cream: Cut the remaining cherries in half, toss with the lemon juice, and set aside. Once the ice cream base is completely cool, stir in the cherry syrup. Process in an ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions. Fold in cherry halves, transfer to an airtight container, and freeze until solid. Ice cream will keep for up to 1 month in a freezer.

Today's Quote

"I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough."

Red Skelton
1913-1997, Comedian

Today's Quote

" The biggest lesson I’ve learned so far is, “It’s okay.” It’s okay for me to be kind to myself. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to be flawed. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to move on!"

- Hayley Williams

Franz Ferdinand- The Fallen

Website of the Day

10 Awesome Mojito Recipes

Slow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken

Yield: 4 servings
Prep Time: 20 min
Cook Time: 5 hours

Ingredients:

3 large bone-in, skinless chicken breasts (2 1/2 to 3 pounds total)
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup blackberry jam
1/4 cup hoisin sauce
2 Tablespoons olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup diced onion
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (optional)
1 Tablespoon cornstarch
Sliced scallions, for garnish
Sesame seeds, for garnish

Equipment: slow cooker

Directions:

Arrange the chicken breasts in the slow cooker so that they are not overlapping.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the honey, soy sauce, blackberry jam, hoisin, olive oil, garlic, onion and crushed red pepper flakes, and then pour the sauce over the chicken. Cover the slow cooker and cook the chicken on LOW for 4 to 5 hours until the chicken is fully cooked.

Using tongs, remove the chicken from the slow cooker (reserving the liquids) and place it on a cutting board. Remove the bones then use two forks to shred the chicken into smaller pieces. Place the shredded chicken in a large bowl.

In a small bowl, whisk together the cornstarch with 3 tablespoons of cold water to make a slurry.

Transfer the liquids from the slow cooker into a small saucepan set over medium-high heat and whisk in the slurry. Bring the sauce to a boil and cook it until it reduces and has thickened slightly, about 3 minutes. Pour the sauce over the chicken, tossing to combine. Serve the chicken topped with sliced scallions and sesame seeds.

Notes:
To make this dish kid-friendly, simply leave out the crushed red pepper flakes.

Using bone-in chicken breasts, rather than boneless chicken breasts, is key to guaranteeing moist, tender shredded chicken.

Depending on your preferences, you may want to pour only a portion of the sauce over the shredded chicken. Any leftover sauce can be served with other proteins or veggies.

Pasta Glossary

What shapes pair with what sauces? Here's how to use your noodles.

• Angel Hair. Cooking time 3-5 minutes. Sauces: Garlic and olive oil, light tomato, seafood, butter, cream. Best for: Tossing with sauce.

• Elbows. Cooking time: 6 to 8 minutes. Sauces: Cheese, butter. Best for: Salads, soups, baked dishes.

• Farfalle, bow ties. Cooking time 10 to 12 minutes. Sauces: Olive oil, butter, cheese. Best for: Salads, tossing with sauce.

• Fettuccine. Cooking time: 10 to 12 minutes. Sauces: Meat, cream, cheese. Best for: Tossing with sauce.

• Orcchiette. Cooking time: 10 to 12 minutes. Sauces: Meat, cream, seafood. Best for: Tossing with sauce.

• Penne. Cooking time: 10 to 12 minutes. Sauces: Chunky tomato, meat, or vegetable; cream. Best for: Tossing with sauce.

• Rigatoni. Cooking time: 11 to 13 minutes. Sauces: Chunky meat or vegetable, cream, cheese. Best for: Baked dishes, tossing with sauce.

• Rotini, Fusilli. Cooking time: 8 to 10 minutes. Sauces: Tomato, pesto, shellfish. Best for: Salads, baked dishes.

• Shells. Cooking time: 10 to 12 minutes. Sauces: Tomato, meat, vegetable, cream, cheese. Best for: Salads, baked dishes.

• Spaghetti. Cooking time: 9 to 11 minutes. Sauces: Pesto, tomato, meat, seafood. Best for: Tossing with sauce.

From REAL SIMPLE, May 2007

Breaking News: Bird Flu Hits Florida

Double Chocolate Chocolate Pie

2 pkgs (4 serving size) Jello Chocolate or Chocolate Fudge Flavor Pudding and Pie Filling
3-1/2 cups milk
2 tbls butter or margerine
2 squares Bakers semi-sweet chocolate
1 baked 9" pie shell cooled

Combine pie filling, milk and milk in saucepan; add butter and chocolate. Cook and stir over medium heat until mixture comes to a full bubbling boil. Remove from heat. Cool 5 minutes, stirring twice. Pour into shell and chill 3 hours. Garnish with whipped topping and chocolate curls, if desired.