Another Blonde Joke

Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. Each time she reached into her nail pouch and pulled out a nail, she'd look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

The other blonde watched for a while, puzzled. Then she couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it safely!"

The second blonde got very frustrated at this and started to call her all kinds of names. She explained, "Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!"

Another Blonde Joke

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter"

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworker, to no avail.


After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.


The blonde says,"Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.


The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"


Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Another Blonde Joke

My Blonde niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up right in her neighborhood.

"How convenient," she said. "I can walk to it!"

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer, because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with one of her friends.

Her friend suggested, "There may be a way of selling that car, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Right," replied her friend, "here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on her friend's advice.

About one month after that, her friend saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde went to a helicopter flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.

The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

Another Blonde Joke

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

The Blondes New Car

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the engine races but the car just won't move at all. After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she calls the Jaguar dealer and they send out a technician.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of venom, the blonde replies, "You fool, you idiot, how on earth you could ask such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears. I use D during the day and N at night."

Another Blonde Joke

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.


Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.


The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."


The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde customer walked into our insurance office looking for a quote. But first I had to lead her through a litany of questions, including: "Marital status?"

"Well," she began, "I guess you could say we're happy-as happy as most other couples nowadays."

Another Blonde Joke

On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic blonde mother pointing out a well-known building to her son. "You see that triangular-shaped octagon over there? That's the Pentagon."

Another Blonde Joke

Blonde was hunting, shot an elk a man came up as she was tagging the elk and the blonde said "this is my elk and you are not taking it" the guy said "lady, I just want my saddle".

Another Blonde Joke

One day, a blonde went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his "dummy" to make fun of blondes. The crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde was angry.
Outraged, she stood up and said, "How dare you make fun of blondes!"
The ventriloquist replied saying, "Madam, I'm very sorry. But it's just part of the act."
The blonde screamed, "You shutup! I'm talking to the little man on your knee!"

Another Blonde Joke

A husband asked his blonde wife, "Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."

A while later the blonde wife returned with a case of quart milk cartons.

Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, the husband asked, "Why did you buy so much milk?"

His blonde wife said, "They had eggs."

Another Blonde Joke

As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

The blonde lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."

"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Another Blonde Joke

Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My blonde wife told everyone to stay put while she got her cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead.

She didn't return for the longest time, so I went looking for her. I was upstairs calling her name, when I heard our answering machine click on.

"Hi," a voice said. "This is Mom. I'm locked out of the house."

Another Blonde Joke

At the State Fair they have a Liar machine. You stand in front of the machine and tell it anything, if you are a liar, it will go POOF and you drop dead. This morning a Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde when to the Fair and decided to try the machine. The Brunette went first and said, "I am the most beautiful women in the world." the machine went POOF and she dropped dead. The Redhead went next and said, "I am the smartest women in the world." The machine went POOF and she dropped dead. Then the Blonde went in front of the machine and said, "I Think." The machined went POOF and she dropped dead.

Another Blonde Joke

Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."

The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

"Very good!" said St. Peter.

The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted!