This is kind of dated now since the Dems won the election but it's still funny.
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and some of the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
15 comments:
That's okay. We won't mind. But I might warn you; with the increased taxes that the New Blue States of America, or whatever it will be called, will impose, those businesses will flock to the red states.
I'm just joking though. Divided we fail.
Unfortunately you're correct about the obesity rate down here. I've never seen so many large people in my life. What's funny is, most of them are poor. One would think they would not have enough money to afford the massive amounts of food they must eat.
So jf you think the country should just be putting it all on credit for future generations to pay for? The infrastructure costs money, two wars cost money - the tax burden should not just be put upon the working class while business and wealthy folks get over. I will never understand greedy attitude of americans vs the attitude of citizens of other nations towards taxes and the infrastructures and education systems and health care systems that they have which ARE BY THE WAY superior to that of the U.S. America used to be a leader. America used to be #1 in so many areas. No more. These fringe cultural issues that so many are duped in to voting for while voting against their own interests ---- I hope thats a thing of the past and that the majority is never duped again.
P.S. They eat cheap, unhealthy food and don't have access to health care, gyms and most PE programs have been cut by school systems who can't afford them and government has for too long not cared about whats in our food and protecting us from it because of big money from food manufacturers funneling into our elected officials pockets.
No, I don't think that costs should be placed upon credit. That would be adding to the burden we already face. Interests kills, a bit like crack. Costs should be paid at the time of the incurment, or plans should be delayed. But, we are a "here now" generation. We want straight to DVD movies, we want food passed to us from the take away window, we want to be there, have it, buy it, own it now.
Also, I think you may have misread my intent; I was merely trying to add to the levity, albeit from a (hesitation) conservative point of view. (I consider myself a libertarian, and have for years.)
The greedy attitude of Americans is justified, I think. First, we are America, not other countries. We were founded upon principles of doing for ourselves what we feel is right, not have a government entity decide for us. Secondly, I look at money in terms of time traded for money for the work that I do. If someone takes money form me, I will be forced to either make cuts in my living standards, or offer more of my time to my employer, thereby taking away from my time with my family.
I'll be the first to admit that education, healthcare and infrastructure are dismal compared to other countries. American kids are probably dead last in the world in school. Healthcare, I'm not too keen on, but I do know that as a immigrant to this country, it is far better than what we had before. (Four months was too long to wait for a dental cleaning.) Infrastructure, while dated here in parts, is far more developed than in Australia.
As far as fat people go, is that not their option to eat healthy? Why should it be government's job to take away accountability from people?
Well, kudos to you for admitting that you smoke pot. That speaks volumes about your mindset. As far as the separation is concerned, fair enough, but we keep the armements and the soldiers who man them. We will leave the terrorists in your section. You can sing Kum by Yah with them or talk about "the rock,the river and the tree" that is at least until they lop off your empty heads.
That was uncalled for. I would like to see intelligent arguments on these posts. Make an argument for or against something, not lash out at someone for something they've done.
Your post, anonymous, speaks volumes about your intelligence.
I don't think anyone, left or right, would placate terrorists.
geeze. I like to delete anonymous posts because if you don't have the guts to identify yourself then quite frankly your opinions mean nothing. However, I will leave it here because it underscores exactly why the country is ready for a change. Lastly, I didn't write this. This was written several years ago and was quite popular on the internet (I think it dates back as far as 2000) - it was supposed to be a humorous piece - if you know what that means - was supposed to bring a smile to your face not elicit venom. Get a life!!!!!!!
I agree, if someone doesn't wish to identify themselves, then their opinions are invalidated.
While I agree that the country is ready for a change, I don't think that Obama will be the change it is looking for. He certainly looks and sounds good on camera, but I fear his protectionist policies will doom us as a free market.
Also, I recall reading this (or something similar) as well, right after the 2000 election.
ty JF for the support. I think the free and open market has been good for business bad for the citizenry. The government should work for the betterment of its citizens not soley for the betterment of business as it has since the 80's. The rich have gotten richer and the middle class is vanishing - it doesn't work the way it has been. Time to try something new.
Wait until he screws something up before you judge him. He hasn't even done anything yet and already folks are criticcal of him for what the BELIEVE he might do. You never know, what he implements might work. Trickle down is a lie - it's time to trickle up!!!!!! -Beth
Don't get me wrong. I am more than happy to give him the benefit of a doubt, but I understand that higher taxes, no matter the taxee, is not good for an already weakened economy.
I hope that Obama will be better than Bush on spending. I had high hopes when Bush was elected with a majority in Congress that he would reduce spending and taxes, and generally live up to his campaign promises. A lot of people were disappointed by his actions, myself included.
I guess he's the reason I no longer vote for either party.
Someone once said,"Don't vote against something or someone, vote for something or someone." In other words, don't vote democrat just because you might hate the right, vote democrat because you truly believe that the democrats can get the job done to your satisfaction. In my 15 or so years here in the US, both parties have failed at that, or at least that's my opinion.
As far as trickle up goes, I hope it's not trickle up poverty. I don't know of too many poor people who create jobs and wealth.
I love dialog w/people who resist the urge to get 'nasty'. Always very interesting and inspiring :) You need to post to your blog site :)
He's proposing rolling back the Bush tax cuts. Seems to me the tax cuts haven't done served economy well :) Two wars and he cut taxes for the richest people in the country. I think rolling them back to where they were when the economy was actually good for most folks is at least worth a try. Rich folks use most of the 'commons' to further their wealth it seems fair that they should pay a bigger chunk for it.
I find all the whining, fear mongering and complaining from the right (excluding you)kind of meaningless - they had control of EVERYTHING until 2006. They could have done anything they wanted to do and did nothing except 'help themselves'. When it came down to it - they proved that they were ineffective at governing. I for one think it was by design but that's another issue :)
Re 'trickle up' - I don't know too many rich people out there working on the assembly lines and such. They make their money off of the labor of employees. If they don't wish to help elevate their lives with living wages, etc, then they need to be forced to do so - meaning if they want to pay slave wages in another country then their should be a price to pay.
P.S. I would have voted for Obama even if I didn't like him because the supreme court is a bigger issue in my mind and I shudder to think of McCain putting three judges on the bench!!!!e
It's easy to not get nasty when one has a brain and decides to use it. Unlike so many people, left or right, I don't act or speak out of emotion. It's easy to speak out of anger or happiness, I understand that, but only when one steps back, looks at the big picture and tries to see both side from a logical angle, can anyone really call themselves an independent thinker.
You are so right, the right did have control of everything, and it's pathetic to see what they've done with it. I think the conservatives have no one to blame but themselves for stuffing this election. But, I don't think the liberals will bring about any good themselves. I firmly believe it's time to tell them both to bugger off and let someone else do the job.
RE: Trickle up. If you allow people to live too comfortably on their wage, where is the incentive to better themselves. If we paid all McDonald's workers 25 an hour, they would probably not be motivated to go and educate themselves and do something a bit more meaningful with their lives.
Don't mistake me, I find nothing wrong with working in such a job, as long as that person is passionate about what they do for a living. Certainly Ray Kroc did.
Here's his bio in case you're not familiar with the name. (For the first 15 years of my life, I thought that the clown owned Maccers. But then again, I thought my school teachers locked themselves up in the cloak room at the end of the day and recharged their batteries. Some imagination, huh?)
http://www.woopidoo.com/biography/ray-kroc/index.htm
ROFL. Thanks for the link. I WILL actually read it as the name is not familiar to me. I hope you come back or post to your blog!!!! :0
I've taken your advice and started posted to my blog. I hope that my arguments are valid, and more important than changing someone's mind, I hope I get people to think for themselves. Too many people are sound bite oriented and willing to be spoon fed what someone want them to hear.
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