Days of the Week

Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and
realize it's a workday again and the weekend is over, the
first day of the week is called Moanday.

Many people too busy to cook on the second day of the week
just open a can of beans. Hence the day is known as Tootsday.

By the third day of the week, people are wondering when they
can ever find the time to get everything done this week that
they need to, hence the day is known as Whensday.

Too bleary to even count properly, people think it's only
Day Three of the week on the next day, therefore it's er-
roneously called Thirdsday.

On the last day of the workweek, people often go out "for
a few" after work. By the time they get home, they're too
tired to cook anything elaborate, so they just throw a
piece of meat, chicken, or fish in the skillet. That's why
the day is known as Fryday.

Saturday night all the singles let loose. There's a lot of
sexual hijinks. It's pretty obvious why the day is called
Satyrday.

And on the last day of the week--and the weekend--people
look at all the items on their to-do lists that didn't get
crossed off, groan aloud, and make themselves promises they
won't keep. Therefore the day is called Soonday.