"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you have low self-esteem, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer."
Thank you!
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