A few simple rules for happy living

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit
the snooze button.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it
shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical
problem.