A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud she came home and put it on.
She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked.
Her mother replied: "If I wore that when I was your age, you would have been 5 years older."
___________
"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."
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