Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.
John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Darwin #1: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
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Bob Dylan: How many roads must a chicken cross before they call him a chicken?
Dan Brown: The only way a chicken can cross the road is with the aid of the Knights Templar (and the book I've written about it).
Tony Blair: The world shouldn't just be about whether a chicken crosses the road or not; surely there is a Third Way?
Abraham Lincoln: Four score and seven years ago a chicken crossed this road, a new road, conceived in tarmacadam, and dedicated to the proposition that all chickens can cross all roads.
Lou Reed: Oh what a perfect day, chicken crossed the road.
I'll stop now and have a lie down.
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