Here are actual excerpts from real resumes and cover letters...And these people think they can get a job?
* I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
* I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.
* Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
* Wholly responsible for two(2) failed financial institutions.
* Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave
* Failed bar exam with relatively high grades
* It's best for employers that I not work with people
* Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
* You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
* Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
* I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
* Marital status: single: Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments
* I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
* I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
* I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
* My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
* I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
* Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
* As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
* Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
* Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
* Marital status: often. Children: various
* Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions.
* The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
* Finished eighth in my class of ten.
* References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
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