Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Applebee's

10. Waitress asks, "Would you like to hear about our selection of half-finished meals?"

9. "Lo-cal Salad" consists of shredded straws and napkins

8. Walls are covered in whimsically framed health code violations

7. It's a dollar extra if you want your milk shake boneless

6. Coffee isn't bottomless, but the busboy is

5. Take-out delivery involves your address and a giant slingshot

4. All you hear from the kitchen is, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty"

3. Only dessert option is a packet of Sweet 'N Low

2. The chef just washed his hands...in your french onion soup

1. Waiter asks you to touch his riblets

[From the Late Show with David Letterman]