Life Thoughts

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?"
She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? (A right wing question designed to trigger an emotional response with no critical thinking! Those on the right do no critical thinking. A prisoner is choosing to read a bible. You can't mandate kids attend school and then force christianity down their throats. Send them to Sunday school or teach them at home.)

Wouldn't you know it....Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? (You have a choice what to swear on in court. The government is not a christian government and therefore government buildings should not appear to endorse one religion over another)

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.