1. Recognize that there is nothing wrong with you. Whatever your feelings are, they're legitimate.
2. Find people who will understand. Search online—there are bereavement support groups for just about any type of loss.
3. Be honest about how you feel. If a well-meaning friend cracks a joke about your deceased ex-husband, says Doka, soberly explain that this loss is painful for you.
4. Develop a ritual or ceremony to commemorate the person's passing. Visit the grave after the funeral—or hold a private one—when you can take as much time as you need to express your anguish.
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