After a visit to the doctor, Joe Bloggs, the city team's centre forward dropped in to his local pub for a quick one. "What's up mate?" asked his friend Brian, "you look worried."
"Yes, I am," Joe replied. "I've just been to the doctor's and he told me I can't play football."
"Oh, really?" said Brian. "He's seen you play too then, has he?"
***
The top scorer of a Premier League team was tragically killed in a car accident. Seeing an opportunity for glory, the reserve striker went to see the manager.
"How about me taking his place?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure about that," said the manager, "we'll have to speak to the undertaker first."
***
The Devil was constantly challenging St Peter to a game of soccer, but St Peter refused, until one day while walking around' heaven he discovered that quite a number of international footballers had entered the 'pearly gates'.
"I think I'll arrange to play that soccer game," said St Peter to the Devil. "We have a great number of international soccer stars in heaven at the moment from which to select a winning team."
"You'll lose, you'll lose!" taunted the Devil. "What makes you so sure we'll lose?" enquired St Peter. "Because," laughed the Devil, "we have all the referees down here."
***
A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said A her husband,
'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man who traded his wife for a season ticket to Arsenal. You wouldn't do a thing like that,-would you?'
'Of course I wouldn't!' replied her husband. 'The season's almost over!'
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