Research shows that one of the most important features of successful relationships is the depth of the friendship. Do you know your partner's inner world? Answer yes or no to the following questions:
1. I can name my partner's best friends.
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
4. I can tel you some of my partner's life dreams.
5. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life.
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner.
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
10. My partner really respects me.
11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.
12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship.
13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.
14. My partner generally likes my personality.
15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
17. My partner is one of my best friends.
18. We just love talking to each other.
19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.
20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
What your score means
15 or more yes answers
Congratulations - your friendship and your marriage are strong.
8 to 14
There are many strengths that you can build on, but there are also some weaknesses that need attention. While counseling is an option, you might also benefit from simply spending more time together doing activities that you both enjoy, or scheduling a vacation during which you can reconnect.
7 or fewer
Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this worries you, you probably still value the relationship enough to get help. Consider seeking the advice of a trained couples therapist or taking a marriage retreat where you can focus on mending your relationship.
Source: Gottman Institute, gottman.com
From July 2010 Issue Oprah Magazine pg 90
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