I was always afraid to ask for things…and I never really knew why. I was always good at asking for a lot of small things. So it appeared that I always went for what I wanted. Which was not true.
THE BIG THINGS THAT I WANTED I DID NOT DARE TO ASK FOR.
And the rare times that I dared and the answer was NO, I was so heartbroken that the asking was not worth it anymore. I remember one time in college I became friends with someone I really liked. He was so handsome, so smart and all the girls liked him.
One night as I was walking back to our class with him, I dared to believe that I was good enough for him. I remember that walk so clearly that every step closer to our destination got my heart beating faster and faster.
There was an asking threshold that once you walk through then there is no turning back.
After all he was being so nice to me….and so I begun the sentence…
”I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU….”
There was no going back after that sentence was released from my bold and daring self (you see our daring side is always inside there) Even before I finished my sentence, I saw it in his eyes…I saw his response before he even responded.
He didn’t feel the same way. This may not have been a big deal for other people but for me it was devastating….
SHEER DEVASTATION…
DEFEATED…
HEART BROKEN.
“You are not good enough”…my brain screamed at me.
I run up the big staircase and disappeared….and I did not ask for anything from anyone for a really long time.
But most of all I experienced this very intense increased feeling of unworthiness.
It appears that the more we ask the more we risk our perception of our worth.
SO WE STOP ASKING.
And do you know what happens when we stop asking for the things we want? We get much less than we deserve.
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