Monday, February 24, 2014

Top 5 De-Friendable Worthy Status Updates

In a world where social media plays such a huge role in our everyday lives, a new epidemic is sweeping the nation and professionals are worried that there is little we can do to control it. I’m talking about a condition called O.A.S.U or Overactive Status Updater.

These people cannot be stopped.

Everybody knows that our Facebook or Twitter status updates are completely strategic. Facebook knows our egos, our insecurities and when we are in need of a little attention. People just LOVE to update and air their dirty laundry out or let the world know how good/bad they’re doing. But I’m here to let y’all know that this needs to be stopped. It’s unacceptable. Get a grip on reality people, and for God’s sake buy a Lisa Frank unicorn covered diary like a normal fourteen year old girl would and let it rip. Privately. Because while these statuses provide a comedian like me with comedy gold, they are also totally getting on my and everyone else’s nerves.

Here are the top 5 status updates that are a defriendable/un-followable offense:

1. The “my boyfriend/girlfriend is the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the whole world” status

Everybody knows one of these. Picture albums are posted every hour or so about your “big romantic trip to the zoo after a 4-mile hike to the top of a mountain to watch the sunset and eat chocolate covered strawberries that they hand dipped for you in rare Mexican chocolate.” Their walls are filled with posts every day from their beau saying how much they are so in love and the luckiest person in the world to have found such a soul mate. Status updates like “AWWW my baby just made me a home cooked meal and brought me cough drops when I was sick in bed and then bought a star in the sky and named it after me in hopes that my cold would go away soon” appear weekly. Not that I’m not happy for you and your “baby” but keep it to yourself. If you have a genuinely happy relationship, there’s no need to plaster it all over Facebook to prove to others that things are so great. It seems disingenuous. After all, wouldn’t you two love freaks rather be gazing into each others eyes over a plate of pasta ala Lady and the Tramp, then be wasting precious time status updating?

Which quickly brings me to status updater #2

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